I am in bloom.
Maybe the fullest I have ever been in my life. And the forms this flowering have taken look nothing like what my ego could have made up for me.
In Gene Keys, my life path is key 54. The Sensualist. And that is how I feel my life has churned me. I grew up performing in elite schools in Los Angeles, always on the fringe.
I was talented, sometimes the most gifted singer in the room. But I was always full of a deep-rooted insecurity. Unmothered Me.
A feeling I have known most of my life and now… I am in BLOOM. I learn to Mother myself – eating well, taking time, listening to my slowest part, using my discernment. I am quite wealthy and sometimes I get caught up in appearances. I am not pulling in 6 or 7 figures. I am not a mainstream beauty. BUT WHAT I AM, is a deeply devoted and fiercely loyal woman. Born a seer, and somewhat of a reluctant mystic, I have always been more comfortable with the Unseen worlds. Queen the Subtle, often likened to ayahuasca, I am a catalyst to dispel all that is false in whoever cross my paths. A proverbial Edgewalker. Guardian of the Liminal.
This rite of passage is a way to mark middle age for me. But not in the way that the overculture bemoans the aging of woman. This is to mark that in many ways I HAVE ARRIVED to a deep sense of ground in myself. A long way from the trauma and violence that fashioned me. And without all the conditionings and markings that in many ways I have fought tirelessly against my whole life. Too Black, not Black enough, too loud, a shrinking violet, too ambitious, not enough of a go getter. For the first time in my life, I have defined myself for my Self and this occasion needs to be marked and celebrated. For all the unmarried and childless women, who had to walk a different road to love and glory. For those women who are not doing any of the conventional roles of WOMAN, but yet are women still. In every sense of the word.
This ritual… to mark my essence, my gifts, my knowing and seeing of myself.
~ Esi Wildcat 22’
